DISCLAIMER: Birthy birthy birthyness to follow. If the terms "bloody show", "cervical dilation", or "nipple stimulation" bother you, I would recommend closing your browser. Men, this means you.
After my weekly appointment where I had my membranes
stripped for the second time, I was prepared to feel emotional and crampy like
I had the week before, the first time my membranes were (more lightly)
stripped. But I didn’t feel crampy immediately afterwards like before. I took BB to the park and to a play date with E. My due
date was just four days away, and with my Gestational Diabetes diagnosis the
doctors had mentioned inducing me if I hadn’t had the baby by my due date – in
fact, since I was already dilated 3-4 cm and 60% effaced and my cervix was soft (although still posterior), at my appointment Dr.
Hudson had even said “We can certainly induce you anytime you want.” But I
didn’t want. I was prepared to argue
against getting induced before 41 weeks if my due date came and went, but I really
didn’t want to have to fight that fight, so that afternoon I decided to try
some other more natural inducement methods, especially after a couple of
stronger-than-I’ve-had-so-far contractions starting around noon, and some bloody show.
While BB
played in his room instead of napping, I googled the proper technique for nipple stimulation,
which is supposed to release oxytocin (the hormone responsible for
contractions). I also googled castor oil and thought about taking it, but the
GI side effects were extremely undesirable, and I decided to pass on the chance
of it launching me into labor since it came with a side of violent diarrhea. I
was going to attempt giving birth without pain medicine, and I was not
interested in simultaneously dealing with the pain of contractions and explosive diarrhea, thankyouverymuch.
Lo and behold, the nipple stimulation technique was fairly effective, as I
started having mildly uncomfortable contractions about every 10 minutes for an
hour. Then the contractions dissipated in frequency, and then with more nipple
stimulation, the frequency would increase again. I texted J that I had been
having contractions and I just wanted him to have a heads up, no need to rush
home or anything. We talked on the phone and I described how my contractions
were getting more uncomfortable. We were both feeling nervous and excited and
wondered how soon J would be leaving work. After a couple hours, I stopped
doing the nipple stimulation, figuring that I had done enough to stimulate
labor and I would see what my body did on its own. The contractions continued
irregularly throughout the afternoon, and J came home early around 5. We
decided to go walking around some stores (since it was too hot to walk
outside). We stopped by to drop something off at Steve and Han’s and ended up
visiting for a while, and then went to grab a quick dinner out so we could
still squeeze in a “walk” around TJ Maxx before BB’s bedtime. But the shoppingd
ended up not really being a walk and my contractions had pretty much gone away.
I was disappointed, and once we were all tucked into bed, J and I decided to
try some “other” measures to help things along.
At 3 am I woke up suddenly with a surge of heartburn, and
then I felt a small gush of warm fluid - I leaped out of bed in case my water
was breaking, very concerned with not soaking my mattress. I went to the
bathroom and after a moment of waiting, my water broke in one big gush. It was
different than when my water broke with BB, which happened in several gushes
stimulated by activity – this was a bunch of fluid all at once, one big splash.
In a hushed voice I called out to J, who was sound asleep in our bed, “J, my
water just broke.”
Because it is a fairly uncommon way for labor to start, I
really hadn’t expected my water to break again this time. I thought I was going
to experience the increasing contractions, timing them (J finally getting to
use the I-Touch app that he had downloaded two years ago for BB’s birth and was
so excited to try), and trying to decide when we should go to the hospital, the
delicate balance between laboring in the comfort of my home as long as possible
but not giving birth in the bathtub because we waited too long. (In fact, in
the last couple of months I had read not one but TWO (count ‘em TWO) accounts of college acquaintances
who had their second babies at home because they waited too long to get to the
hospital. These aren’t rumors of stories, these are real women that I actually
know who wrote out their first-hand accounts of delivering their babies at home
unintentionally - one, on the bathroom floor and the other, in the backseat of
the car in their driveway. J was terrified of these stories – I thought they
were fascinating and kind of awesome, since I was hoping to have a natural
labor anyway.) But anyway, I figured
there was low probability for my water to break again, and that made my
impending labor a big unknown, despite the fact that I had done it once
already. I was planning to stay home as long as possible, even if my water
broke. But at 3 am we were excited and anxious and since I had been having
contractions throughout the day I hopefully thought “What if I’m already
dilated to like 7?” With BB I hadn’t had
any contractions before my water broke and I never had any painful contractions
until they broke my forebag, so I thought maybe those afternoon and evening
contractions could have been doing the job even though they were only mildly
uncomfortable.
With all of that in mind, and just due to the general
excitement, we didn’t even think about staying home and I called my wonderful
friend and doula Tricia and told her my water just broke and she said she would
meet us at the hospital. And then it was a flurry of activity and to-dos – adding
things to the hospital bag, calling J’s parents to come watch BB, realizing
that since it’s 3 am they would be taking BB back to their house and I needed
to pack a bag for him too which I hadn’t thought about at all before that
moment, calling my mom who was coming to town to take over with BB, calling J’s
sister. My mom and J’s sister didn’t answer right away so we kept redialing until
we decided we would get to the hospital and call again once we had more
info. When J’s parents got there I was
still packing for BB. Once he was all packed up and we were ready to go, I got
really sad about leaving him. I knew I would see him again soon, but I also
knew that our life would never be the same again. I suddenly felt like I was
leaving my entire known wonderful life behind.
The last month of being off work and being home with BB every day, just
me and him, had strengthened our bond, and I was sad that I didn’t know what
might change between us now that our entire family dynamic was about to be
forever altered. Of course in hindsight, I know that we only gave BB (and our
whole family) a wonderful gift - a little brother, someone to play with, grow
with, a potential lifetime best friend; but in that
pregnant-labor-hormone-charged moment, a wistful sadness swept over me and I
teared up as I said goodbye to my sleepy-eyed toddler.
But then J and I were driving to the hospital and the excitement
took over again, as well as anxiety that poor Tricia had probably ended up
beating us to the hospital with all of the waiting and packing. Sure enough,
there she was waiting outside the building when we pulled up. We registered and
then were taken to triage, where my neighbor Catherine, a Labor & Delivery
nurse, was waiting for us. I had texted her that we were on our way, and it was
fun to see a familiar face. At this point I had had a few more gushes of fluid,
and by the time I was changed into a gown (with my black maternity tank top
underneath – I was determined not to labor in those giant hospital gowns this
time around, they look horrible in photos and just aren’t comfortable) and
sitting on the table, I could feel that I had leaked quite a bit. So I laughed
when the nurse told me that if my amniotic fluid wasn’t visible, they may have
to do this and that – I assured her that there was a giant puddle underneath me
and it wouldn’t be an issue, but of course she gave me a knowing “everyone
thinks that” look. But sure enough, when she pulled up my gown she quickly
realized that yup, my water was absolutely broken. They monitored me for a few
minutes and checked me – I waited for her to tell me that I was already at 7
cm, but instead she said that I was 3-4 cm, 70% effaced. Whaaaaaaaat? That’s practically what I was this afternoon at my
appointment, only 60% effaced! All those contractions for nothing today?
went through my mind. But of course, once your water’s broken, you aren’t going
anywhere since baby needs to be born within 24 hours to avoid infection (and
with BB my placenta actually did get infected), so I got transferred to my
Labor room. This was about when I remembered that I had wanted to stay home as
long as possible. Whoops.
I decided to let them place an IV, since they wanted to draw
labs anyway, but I requested that I not get IV fluids and that I have
intermittent monitoring. After my neighbor Catherine and another nurse
tag-teamed admitting me, J got our bags out of the car and I gave our nurses
copies of my birth plan, which outlined my desire for a natural labor, fairly free
from medical intervention. It only had some minor tweaks from BB’s birth plan.
Because I didn’t want IV fluids, I was once again able to drink juice and have
popsicles, and J, Tricia and I started walking the hallways, trying to
jumpstart things since I was only having irregular contractions that were only
a little crampy-feeling. By 6:30 am the nurse had already brought up that the
doctor might want to start Pitocin, a medication to stimulate labor, but that
makes contractions multiple times stronger than they are naturally and that
increases the risk of emergency C-section. We couldn’t believe that it was only
a few hours into my labor and they were already bringing up Pitocin. When the
nurse left the room, I looked at Tricia and we started talking about what was
next and made a plan with some questions to ask. The nurses changed shifts at
7, and my new nurse was Deb, recommended for me by Catherine since she is great
with natural labors. She told me that she had had four natural deliveries of
her own, which I was excited to hear. We asked if we could talk to our doctor
about the Pitocin, or at least hear what her plan was, what kind of timeline
she was looking at and if she would give my body some time to stimulate labor
on its own without the Pitocin. I was glad to hear that the doctor on call was
Dr. Hudson, who I had seen the last few weeks of my pregnancy and who seemed
more supportive of my desire for a natural labor than some of the other doctors
I had seen in the office.
And sure
enough, Deb came back in the room after speaking with Dr. Hudson and said that
Dr. Hudson would wait until noon, giving me time to walk walk walk (and do some
more nipple stimulation) to try to get things going. Deb said that Dr. Hudson
didn’t think the nipple stimulation was very effective, but I had seen it have
some effect yesterday afternoon, so I wanted to try to do that during the times
they wanted me on the monitor and I couldn’t be walking. Dr. Hudson also said
that I could eat breakfast - I was thrilled with this news! (I knew I would
need strength to get through this labor and I had a few secret granola bars in
my bag.) They brought me a breakfast tray and it did not appear to be diabetic.
I figured that if they hadn’t said anything about the gestational diabetes, I
certainly wasn’t going to, and I enjoyed my carb fest of French
toast and fruit
and oatmeal.
Early on, during my intermittent montioring
We were really encouraged that Dr. Hudson was waiting until noon,
as we knew not all doctors would have been so willing to do that and we
would’ve had to fight harder to avoid the cascade of interventions. So we were
in high spirits walking through the halls – I even tried doing some lunges and
things, joking around. Tricia had a class that morning and since nothing was
really going on yet I encouraged her to go ahead and go to the class and that I
would let her know if anything changed, so she left. Around 11 my mom got to
town (we had gotten hold of her around 5:30 when I was still in triage) and
came to the hospital. BB was napping at J’s parent’s house so there was no rush
for her to head home so we visited and I sent J home to shower and eat
something. Sometime while my mom got there, Tricia came back from her class, so
we all went for a walk together through the halls. I remember that all of the
sudden I started feeling overwhelmed. Even though I wasn’t having consistent or
painful contractions (they were mildly uncomfortable but I could walk and talk
through them), I realized that having more than one person there (other than J)
was too mentally draining for me. Tricia went to find some lunch and once J was
back, we decided my mom should head to the house to settle in before J’s mom
dropped off BB and she was on full-time-BB-duty. This gave J and I some alone time and I
instantly felt more calm. Noon had come and gone and Deb had told us that Dr.
Hudson was in an emergency C-section, and then another. By this time Tricia was
back from lunch and Deb decided to check me to see if all of our walking had
caused any dilation – when she checked me I think I was at 4, maybe 4 ½ cm.
Essentially, I hadn’t progressed at all. I knew that this meant I was most
likely going to need Pitocin, and I was very discouraged. Dr. Hudson came in
and confirmed that yes, it was probably time to start Pitocin. I knew that she
was right since it was 2 pm and my water had broken 11 hours before, but I was
so disappointed. Dr. Hudson and Deb both told me that I would probably only
need a little bit of Pitocin to jump start things. I tried not to be
discouraged and to tell myself that however God wanted to get this baby out was
fine, we just want a healthy baby, but I just felt like it was exactly what
happened with BB and all of my hopes for a different, natural labor with SS
were disappearing.
Tricia immediately picked up on my discouragement and began
telling me how because my body had already started dilating and my cervix was
soft that my cervix was favorable to dilation and I may only need a little bit
of Pitocin, unlike with BB when they cranked me way above max dose and it
wasn’t effective until they broke my forebag. When I said that I felt like it
was going the same as it was with BB, she reminded me that I had had
contractions the day before and that was different than with BB. And then
Tricia said, “Just because you are getting Pitocin, it does not mean you have
to get an epidural.” And the truth of that statement really clicked for me.
That statement helped me realize that it does not have to be the same. I do not
regret my epidural with BB at all, and I really do feel like it was the right
choice for me, but I had been very hopeful that this labor would be faster and
my body would remember what it was supposed to do and would just require less
medical intervention. I was very nervous to have another fourth-degree tear,
even though the last few weeks several different doctors had told me they
rarely or never have seen two fourth-degree tears in a row, but I had read in
the Bradley book that when you are pain-medication-free you are better able to
push instinctually and to control your pushing and have a less likelihood of
tearing. That was one of my three big reasons for not getting an epidural that
I had told J to repeat to me during labor when I was in the throes of labor
pains and I wasn’t sure why I was doing this anymore. The other two reasons
(not necessarily the top reasons, but the reasons I thought would most
encourage me during labor) were that I wanted to be able to move around during
labor and that I wanted to be able to get up and take a shower afterwards, like
my sister had been able to do after her second birth. That sounded so
refreshing to me.
So my nurse Deb came and started the Pitocin drip – she
assured me that she was starting it at a very low dose and was going to adjust
it very slowly and that she was sure I would only need a little bit to jump
start my body. Tricia went home, so I
decided to get into bed and try to rest before things kicked into high gear.
After a while, I got up and got into the chair though, I just couldn’t relax. I
would have a few bigger contractions, and then they would die back down. Once
again, I began thinking that this was just like my labor with BB, the Pitocin
wasn’t working, and I started to feel discouraged. My nurse Deb came in and
increased the Pitocin and said “I want to get this baby out before I leave tonight”
and I remember thinking “Um, it’s 4:00 pm and you leave at 7 pm, there is
absolutely no chance of that happening.” I was discouraged and in my frustration I put
my underwear and velour pants back on, convinced that it was pointless to be
undressed when clearly I wouldn’t be giving birth for another month or so.
Deb came in another time to increase the Pitocin slightly. I
remember I saw her notice I was wearing my pants and I offered a testy
explanation about it, and her expression just said “Okaaaaaay.” Shortly after that
increase in Pitocin I suddenly had a few stronger contractions. I think I was
sitting on the birthing ball, brooding that I wasn’t progressing. It was 4:30
pm. I felt a strong urge to go to the bathroom and walked over, having to stop
during a contraction. I sat down to go to the bathroom, and the contractions
started coming every minute or so – each time I would get myself cleaned up, I
would have another contraction accompanied by a gush of amniotic fluid that I
would then have to clean up, right before another contraction after which I had
to repeat the whole process. I was stranded on the toilet and started to feel
panicky. (I did not want to labor or give birth on the toilet, this wasn’t an
episode of I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant). Finally I was able to stand up
and walk out of the bathroom, but I don’t think I even made it to the chair. The
contractions were consuming and frequent. I stood with J, arms around his neck,
swaying through the pain of the contractions. My nurse Deb came in to check on
us, and observed me during the contractions. It quickly became clear that labor was happening. J frantically
texted Tricia to come back to the hospital. I remember trying to sit on the
edge of the chair but quickly scooting to the edge of the chair trying to hang
my pelvis off and then standing up, because sitting was excruciating and felt
like I was squishing my belly. I swayed with J for a while – I think that’s
what we were doing when Tricia got back. At some point Deb and Tricia suggested
changing positions, and I had a hot flash. Deb suggested I take off my pants
and I remember desperately kicking them off, leaving them piled on the floor,
so that I was only wearing my black tank top. The position they suggested was
to have the hospital bed positioned with the head of bed up, and for me to face
the head of the bed on my knees with my arms hanging over the top of the bed.
This was how I labored for the majority of the time – it allowed me to be vertical
without having to stand (which I didn’t feel controlled enough to do). Tricia
and J and Deb were all amazing – they were so encouraging and met my needs as I
labored. When I whimpered “I just want the pain to stop!” Tricia would remind
me “It will stop once the baby is born”. That made me want to punch her in the
face a little bit, but mostly it reminded me that this pain had a purpose and
an endpoint – it brought me out of the moment and into the big picture for a
second. Tricia had encouraged J and I to establish a password to indicate if I
truly wanted an epidural, so that I could complain about the pain and even
mention an epidural without sending J into a tailspin to rescue me with an
epidural that I didn’t really want – the password was so helpful.
There were three things that carried me through my
contractions. I meditated on a Bible verse that our friend and youth pastor had
shared one Sunday morning just before SS was born, Ephesians 2:10, which says
“For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which
God prepared in advance for us to do.” I just kept repeating This is my good work, this is my good work
which God prepared for me in advance over and over to myself. And I moo’d. Yup, as in cow. Livestock.
Udders. My dear friend had told me that in her Bradley classes they had been
taught to “moo” through their contractions, and Tricia and I talked about it
before I gave birth. Tricia told me that giving the pain a verbal manifestation
allowed for some kind of therapeutic release, as well as relaxing the body and
encouraging dilation rather than repressing the pain and tensing and as a
result, inhibiting dilation. I remember when I was laboring with BB before I
got an epidural I was just silent, just breathing, internalizing the pain, and
the idea of that release and subsequent relaxation made a lot of sense to me.
So I started making a low, guttural moan during each contraction when I first
started swaying with J, and it really did decrease my pain experience during
labor. And the third thing that got me through labor was recommended by my
nurse Deb – before my contractions started I was sure to ask this
4-time-natural-delivery-veteran what got her through her labors, and she said
that it sounded crazy, but she would rub her foot on the sheet of her bed and
focus on that sensation, and it distracted her from the pain of the
contractions. Because of my position, I scratched the pillowcase or sheet, and
it really did detract from the discomfort.
After some time the contractions started to stack up on each
other, and there was no break between the pain anymore – each contraction was
riding the wake of the previous one and I felt weak and panicky and I started
sobbing and whimpered “I can’t do this anymore!! I can’t do it!!” Tricia
encouraged me by reminding me “You are
doing it, right now,” but I now know what her and Deb were both thinking –
Transition! Finally! Deb wanted to check my cervix, and I had to roll over onto
my back – I was terrified, because I knew that this was the most painful
position I could be in. She checked me, and I honestly don’t totally remember,
I think I was 8 1/2 , 9 cm – as soon as I felt a contraction coming on, I
panicked at the idea of the intensity of pain in this position and swung my
legs over the edge of the bed and tried to stand up, telling J to help me. I
thought J was helping me at the time, but later he told me that he put his
hands on my shoulders and pushed me down back into bed as Deb said “You can’t
get out of bed because you’re about to have this baby!” That motion was all it took – after that,
everything seemed like it happened at once. Deb checked me again, I was a 10,
Dr. Hudson was there, my uterus started firing off rapid contractions that not
only squeezed, but compressed my uterus and everything in my body told me to
PUSH NOW! “I’m pushing! I’m pushing!” I
shouted, panicked, feeling totally out of control – I felt like a fish flopping
around on a dock, and like my uterus was an automatic weapon firing at high
speeds. “Try not to push, try not to push,” Tricia said, and then she told J to
get in my face and breathe with me. I remember staring in his eyes as he
watched me in pain, compassion and care and fear shining out at me.
And then I
heard the calmest voice carry through the chaos, saying “Okay K, you can push.”
It was Dr. Hudson “WHAT?! I CAN PUSH?!?”
“Yes, you can push.”
I started pushing around 6:15 pm. Those first pushes felt incredible
– pushing was all my body wanted to do, and I no longer had to try to resist. I
remember, sometime just before I started pushing, thinking I think I might actually deliver without pain medicine! I think this
might really happen! Which, looking back, is hilarious, because at that
point I was ABSOLUTELY delivering without pain medicine, I was about to push my
baby out, this was a done deal. But it wasn’t until that moment that I truly
realized that SS is almost born, this is nearly over, and I actually labored
without pain medicine and am about to deliver my second baby boy.
After the first few instinctual pushes, pushing became much
harder. I waited to push with my contractions, which had slowed done, giving me
rests in between pushing. Deb and Dr. Hudson instructed me to curl up around my
abdomen, which was so hard because, like when I was sitting in the chair, I
felt like I was squishing my uterus (I mean, I guess that was the point), and I
remember them telling me to “Push through the ring of fire!”. I had learned
that expression about birth in nursing school, the “ring of fire”, but man
alive, now I know what it means. It was so hard to push when pushing increased
my pain, but I remember giving myself a little pep talk (much like I did when I
was pushing with BB), telling myself Look,
there’s no other way he’s going to come
out. I know it hurts, but you HAVE to do this, it’s the only option. And
then I buckled down and pushed, pushed, pushed. In the mirror watched him crown,
appearing and retreating in the canal with the pressure of pushing, a circle of
wet dark hair changing diameter. And then I closed my eyes and pushed with
everything I had, and eventually his head came out. Dr. Hudson knew my history
of a severe tear, and as soon as his head was out she began instructing me on
my pushing, how much strength to use and different ways to position my legs –
at one point I had to put my knees together over my belly and push, which was
sooooo difficult. I found out later that one of Dr. Hudson’s nicknames is the
Kama Sutra doctor, and I totally understand why! (She is also known as the Vagina
Whisperer, if you were wondering.) Because of this, it took a few minutes for
the rest of his body to come out.
And then at 6:27 pm my sweet boy was placed on my chest,
with almost-black hair and blue eyes, and I cuddled him for the first time ever,
with J leaning over my shoulder.
Once Dr. Hudson started stitching me up (only a
second-degree tear!!!!!!!!!!!!!) my legs started shaking uncontrollably and I
got nervous that I was shaking too much and would drop SS, so the nurses took
him while J held my hand while I got stitched up.
J with his boy
7 lbs even. 19 ¾ inches long.
Everything about this post birth experience can be
characterized by one word: peace.
Especially in comparison to BB’s difficulties breathing,
chest x-ray, being told BB would need to be treated and monitored in the NICU,
BB being taken away (J going with), taking forever to be stitched up, having my
catheter left in because they didn’t want me getting out of bed that night due
to the severity of my tear, fainting and vomiting in the NICU, not being able
to breastfeed until the following morning, having to juggle monitoring
equipment and IV lines to hold and feed BB, waiting for him to be discharged
from the NICU, and then home – it was very stressful and a little scary the
first couple of days. I’ve always meant to write about that, the post-birth
birth story, Part 5: The Afterbirth.
But with SS, everything was peaceful. He stayed with me the
whole time, cuddling and breastfeeding, and both grandmas came to meet him that
night (BB stayed with Papa since it was past bedtime). SS slept with me, I woke
him up to nurse him, and I was able to get up and go to the bathroom (although I
saved the shower for the morning).
First bath by our neighbor, who we got to have as our nurse that night!
Nacky and GG holding SS for the first time
My wonderful friend and doula wrote out my birth story from
her perspective, and I wanted to include some excerpts here, as it is both
informational and touching.
“At 4:30 pm your
dad texted me to say “the Pitocin is working…contractions are getting
stronger.” I texted back and told him I was on my way, and for her to “moo
through the contractions” (be sure and ask your mom about this!). I arrived at
about 5 pm and your mom was having strong contractions about three minutes
apart from each other. She couldn’t talk while she was having the contractions,
only between them, which meant that you were close to being born! The nurse,
Deb, your dad, and I were all trying different things to help your mom get
through each contraction. We tried ice, pressure on her back, holding her, and
breathing with her. She was very uncomfortable! I suggested trying a new
position. We raised the head of the bed up, and your mom got on her knees with
her arms and head resting over the top of the bed. She was moaning low during
her contractions, I could tell they were very strong, but she looked so
beautiful and peaceful, and was really in control. She was very direct about
telling us what she liked and didn’t like us to do during her contractions. At
about 5 pm her contractions were getting so strong that she said “I can’t do it
anymore!”. When your dad and I told her what a great job she was doing, she
said “It feels like you guys are just saying that!” but she really was. Deb had
her turn on her back so she could check her, and your mom was almost fully
dilated, it was almost time for your arrival! Your mom was really uncomfortable
now, saying she didn’t think she could do it. All of the sudden your mom had a
strong urge to push. I told your dad to get right in your mom’s face, breathe
with her, and look her in the eyes so she could keep focused during this hard
time. That really seemed to help.
“The doctor came
into the room and got all set up for you to be born. Your dad held one of your
mom’s legs and I held the other while she pushed. She started pushing at about
6:15 pm and you were born at 6:27 pm. She pushed beautifully. I could tell that
she was hurting, but she was so calm and focused. She wanted a mirror so she
could see you head. It motivated her to keep pushing even though it hurt really
badly. Your dad was reminding her that she was doing what God made her body to
do, and it really seemed to encourage her. After you were born your mom was SO
relieved! You let out some nice big cries to let everyone know you were here.
The doctor wiped you off and put you on your mom’s chest so she could get a
good look at you. The nurse took you to clean you up and count all your fingers
and toes. I took a LOT of pictures during this time, I hope you get to see
them! I asked the nurse if I could wrap you up so your dad could hold you. He
talked to you very quietly and introduced himself, it was very sweet to see.
Then, he brought you to your mom. She was overjoyed to talk with the little man
who had been growing inside her for nine months. I could see the beginnings of
a lifetime of love between you and your mom.
“It was such an
honor to be at your birth. Your mom only had a few hours of hard labor, and she
brought you into this world as she wanted, experiencing all of the physical and
emotional feelings that are so unique to birth without pain numbing medicine.
You mom was absolutely stunningly beautiful during your birth. I saw
generations of women who walked in her footsteps before her in her face. It was
truly miraculous. You and your brother are lucky boys to call [K] and [J] your
parents!”
I have wonderful memories of both of my experiences giving
birth – I feel like I underwent and conquered a rite of passage of womanhood by
delivering naturally other than a little Pitocin and without pain medicine,
something I had always wanted to do. It was such an amazing experience – I
cycled through it over and over again in my mind the first few hours after
giving birth. Our bodies are so powerful and intricate. My neighbor Catherine
was my nurse after SS was born, and she told me later that after SS’s birth Deb
told her “Today is why I became a nurse.”
They also all remarked “I can’t believe you didn’t swear!” which I
thought was hilarious. I do remember at one point sitting up and saying “This sucks,” and then immediately feeling
guilty. I guess that was my version of peri-labor swearing.
I’m so thankful for J, for Tricia, and for Deb – Team SS!
They
were such a knowledgeable and supportive team to labor with.
Photos from the next day
BB and GG came the next day and BB met his brand new baby brother and SS gave BB a present. And then BB wanted to give SS kisses, without any suggesting from us.
First family photos
BB asked "I give SS a kiss?"
"Sure honey, you can give SS a kiss on his head."
Kiss.
"I give SS a kiss on the mouf?"
Sweet brother love. All totally on his own.
Going home from the hospital, teeny tiny in his car seat
I can’t believe it’s been a whole year since this birth story took place.
Happy 1st Birthday SS – I am so happy to be celebrating you.