Thursday, September 13, 2012

Punctuate with Swearing

Sometimes I love photos, or the memories attached to those photos, so much that it is hard for me to let them go out into the world. I want to publish them in some heightened way with captivating words that fully honor the memory or emotion wrapped up in them. Which is challenging/often-impossible. So they sit in various draft forms for months at a time until I finally feebly post them in some recap post with one line of caption. That's how these pictures still aren't posted 6 months after they were taken.

But I thought today would be an appropriate day to finally post these. 

Matt, Serene, B, and Tada are in Boston, preparing to begin B's radiation treatments. The course of radiation is expected to take around 8 weeks. On Tuesday during some pre-treatment procedures, B developed severe pain and was admitted to the PICU for monitoring. She has fluid compressing her spinal cord. She was discharged yesterday, and woke up from a nap with more pain this afternoon and is back at the ER now. The initiation of her radiation treatments have likely been pushed back a week.

Pray pray pray. 
It's all we can do from so far away. I feel so helpless with no niece to sleep over or hospital room to visit.

Helplessness often induces swearing for me. During the course of B's diagnosis and surgeries here in Tucson, I'd say about a third of my prayers were just incredulous swear words. That's part of what drives me to call for others to pray for B, because my prayers in situations like this are kind of sucky. While Serene is searching the Word and writing out eloquent, powerful, scripture-based prayers for her daughter, I'm whimpering "Help B. Please, please help B," and angrily praying "A *cussing* tumor!?! Are you kidding? *Cuss*!"  But I know my Father understands that it was/is all I could offer. He's the one who made me me, and He accepts me as is, blanketed in grace in Jesus. And I am confident that he is overjoyed that I turn to Him in all things, even only with simple words and with our conversations punctuated with swearing.  But I do so appreciate those scriptural calls on His faithfulness that I know others are sending up on B's behalf. Hopefully they balance out B's aunt's potty mouth.  

Back in March, the girls came over to sleep over with their cousins, just for fun.  We watched Tangled and ate pizza and hot fudge sundaes, and I didn't say "No" for one whole night. 

Pure joy


B's bear and Tada's Deet-Deet are riding the kids like horsies

Tada did not expect to be a pony, but BB just hopped right on!

Such a good big sister/cousin, reading the kiddos bedtime stories without even being asked.


  1. Love. :) Miss you guys!

  2. I'm so glad God loves me even though my prayers sometimes involve swear words. We are still praying daily for B and for her parents and sister. It sucks that they have to go through this, especially B. I love these pictures, makes me wish (again) that we lived near to E's cousins!

  3. can totally relate to swearing during prayer.
    love the pictures- you are so great at capturing these memories!!
    praying for the harrisons :(