Happy 11 Month Birthday BB!

BB is changing left and right, as I said in the previous post.

If you look left, you will see him climbing onto the couch.

If you look right, you may see him crawling up the entire staircase.

If you listen, you will hear him grumbling "NnNnNnNnNnNO!" at his mama when she tells him to stay on his bottom in the bathtub.

That's right, it's pretty official that he understands most instructions, as demonstrated by the good listening he does most of the time when we firmly say "You can't go back there (between the couches and under the end table), come out" or "No no, dirty" when he tries to pound on the diaper pail or the trash can. So when in the bath tub when he obediently sat back on his bottom numerous times when I told him to and then finally he just stood up and walked around in the tub and I told him again that we stay on our bottoms in the bathtub and he looked right at me and said "NnNnNnNo!", I knew that he knew.

(And bathtime was over).

He is communicating, pushing away our hands when we offer spoonfuls of food and he's full, and protesting with staccato babbles when I tell him that no, he cannot stick his finger in the outlet. He actually is a really good listener - he mostly only doesn't listen when naptime is approaching.

He is our little engineer, inspecting the mechanisms of each object, observing and studying. And he is also our wild little man, an explorer, rough and tumble all the way. A bump on the head? Scoff. A fall to the floor? Pssshhh. He is a boy through and through.

Happy 11 Months BB. You're so big, but mama still sees her precious angel baby barking in the bassinet.

Scrunchy Face

Things are changing left and right around here as BB learns new "tricks". Last week he debuted his Scrunchy Face - we think he is mimicking one of his cousin B's expressions. It seems like he makes the scrunchy face when he doesn't like something (like food, or being stuck behind the baby gate when Mama's in the kitchen). Of course J and I laugh and laugh when he does it and so he does it again. It's so sweet that he likes to make us laugh! And he thinks it's hilarious when we make the scrunchy face at him to try to get him to do it.
When he first started making the face "on command" we could tell he was trying to figure out how to control his facial muscles, and it was adorable to watch his forehead muscles strain as he squinted his eyes, or watch only his lips purse, but he's got the whole thing down now, and Mama even captured it on film (ahem, digital storage - will BB even know what film is?) tonight.

Soccer Mom

As in, a mom who is playing soccer. For the first time ever.

I so misunderstood what I was doing when I begged my way onto a co-ed soccer team thinking only that I would guarantee myself a solid cardio workout at least once a week. I thought it would be fun. But this side of my first game, let's talk about what I was not thinking - I was not thinking about:

how disoriented I would feel running around on a field with only a small conception of position and rules of the game

how uncoordinated I would feel when I couldn't make my feet control the ball

how terrified I would be when I did have contact with the ball

how clueless I would be about what to do with the ball

how burdening I would feel to the rest of the team

There's no coach, no practice, no learning - there's just me running onto a field and trying. And when one of the friendly, encouraging girls on the team asked "Did you have fun?" at the end of the game, I realized during my hesitation and following dazed smile-and-nod that no, I absolutely did not have fun. I hate feeling foolish. I hate knowing I am absolutely the worst person on the field. I hate that people watched me fall down twice - once because I was running as fast as I could, and once because I couldn't stop running as fast as I could and I just plowed into the poor girl with the ball (foul). I hate that I didn't know where the stupid out-of-bounds line was and I stopped chasing the ball at some other line and the other girl scooped up the ball when I was actually beating her. I hate that I can't do this well. And I hate that I am a prideful woman who wants to be good at everything I do.

Well I fell. Literally.

I want to quit. I can list valid reasons why quitting is perfectly reasonable.

But there are little eyes watching me.

Sigh.

Now that you "listened" to my rant, you are rewarded with some live-action photos:

Just call me Kelé

Heavy-Hearted

Our hearts have been heavy for my cousins these last weeks as they mourn the unexpected and tragic loss of their husband and father.

What else can we offer other than our love and prayer.

Our family had a weekend in Albuquerque to surround my cousin Amity and her children with my extended family's love and craziness. It was remarkable how our clan was able to come together so quickly to show our solidarity for my beautiful cousin. It was the first time my aunts and uncles and cousins got to meet BB, and several said that meeting him was a bright spot during this dark time. Our sweet boy is ministering joy already.

Sprouts

J and I made a garden! I really wanted to experiment with growing food in a garden, but I was anxious that we would put the money into the project, and then I would fail, and all the money would be wasted.
Failure. A fear that weaves it's way in and out of my life fairly consistently and gave me a slight panic attack at Lowe's as J was ready to purchase the blocks for the garden wall (here in AZ, you have more success with gardening if you build up, due to the caliche). As I ran out of Lowe's he had to explain to the workers that he would have come back for the blocks that they were about to load into our Element "because the baby needs to go home". The baby being me, of course. I just get nervous with commitment, especially commitment that involves time and money and possible failure.

BUT I really wanted a garden and J knew that, so once he discovered that my hesitance was all centered around my fear of the ominous failure, he pointed out that it was okay if I failed because we could try again next year or put flowers in the garden, and also that spending money is what is going to get the country out of a recession (in response to "should we really be spending money on this right now?") - what calm, sensible points and suggestions. And then he dropped me and BB off and went back to Lowe's to get the blocks. And yes, I know how lucky I am.

Well after that little window into my psychosis, here are some photos of the process. I loved going to Home Depot and picking out plants that are things that I actually use when I cook, like basil and parsley and tomatoes and bell peppers!

And I love going out and watering each morning. And today I L-O-V-E-D seeing little sprouts in place of the empty soil where we had embedded zucchini and cucumber seeds. Leaves popping out of the ground where there was emptiness! Did you all know that plants grow from seeds? Little bitty seeds? They turn into plants, people! Revelation!
(Yes, I did go to elementary school, but it's a magical thing to be a part of!)

SEEDS!

SEEDS, people!

I am already imagining BB monitoring the growth of the plants and marveling over the leaves and vegetables that bloom from fingernail-sized promises we bury in the ground. My nieces have already taken turns helping me water. I love the learning I am imagining taking place in all of their little minds, and the wonder happening in mine.

Easter

Easter morning!

church

(with lots of squealing and crawling in the aisles and paper-crunching with more squealing)

lunch with family and friends


BB on an puff-filled-Easter-egg hunt after he got his Easter basket (bucket) with a BB-sized soccer ball

and cute matchiness

On Decorating

Me: I love the way our house is decorated, but I want it to look a little more eclectic, a little more Domino.

J: That's why I leave my stuff everywhere.

I am still laughing.